2005 Pratto Family Life Scholarship Award Luncheon
2005 Pratto Family Life Scholarship Recipients along with Scholarship Committee Member Marlene Pratto.
Danielle Render, Ragsdale High School graduate, will attend NC A&T State; Brandi Oliver, Smith High School graduate, will attend GTCC; Tamera Cuthbertson, Dudley High School graduate, will attend NC A&T State. Not pictured: Shatanna Williams, Dudley High School graduate, will also attend NC A&T State.

MARRIAGE RESOURCE LIBRARY
The Guilford County Marriage Resource Library, a project of the Family Life Council, offers a wide variety of books and videos focused on strengthening marriages and families. Individuals, couples, and organizations can borrow materials to use alone or to present a workshop. Visit
www.gcmarriage.org to see a partial list or visit the Marriage Resource Center.
If you have any books or videos related to healthy family relationships that you no longer need, consider donating them to our library. We need materials on parenting, marriage, divorce, fathering, stepfamilies, and other family topics. If you don’t have items to donate, but would like to purchase books for us, we have a growing wish list. Contact Rebecca Starnes at 333-6890 ext. 227.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP SUPPORT HEALTHY FAMILIES IN GUILFORD COUNTY?
We will partner with you in developing a custom program to reach your intended audience or you can choose to sponsor a program listed below. Our speakers bureau team can help you design, plan, promote and even present your one-time or multi-session program. Contact Rebecca Starnes for more information on scheduling, resources and associated costs.
Our programs include:

The Power of Family Life Education

With almost no exception, people want to have close, supportive family relationships. Parents love their children and want good things for them. Couples want to feel close to and understood by their partners. At the same time, achieving and maintaining positive family relationships is not trouble-free. Since 1968, the Family Life Council has been supporting families in Guilford County. Despite years of providing programs, misconceptions about family life education still persist. Here are the two we hear the most:

Myth 1: “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” Family life education is about strengthening relationships before they are broken. If we want something to perform well and for a long time, like a car for instance, we need to take care of it. Dealing with family issues before they become problems leads to healthier families.

Myth 2: I should just know how to parent. (or “be married” or “communicate”) For just about any job there is a lot of training involved and the training doesn’t stop once hired. Family relationships, even when wonderful, are challenging. Family life education programs offer information and tools that can be used to deal with the inevitable difficulties of family life.

HEALTHY COMMUNITIES• HEALTHY YOUTH

Guilford County agencies and organizations continue to embrace the developmental assets model and philosophy. Some recent HC•HY accomplishments are:

• Training the Guilford County Schools ACES After-School Program Directors in the assets model and helping create an after-school program curriculum that includes asset building for elementary age students.
• Teaching 30 High Point teens how to advocate for positive community change through the Photovoice project.
• Facilitating workshops on the 40 developmental assets to over 200 local teens at the Mayor’s Teen Summit, sponsored by the Greensboro Parks and Recreation Department.
• Production of a 6 minute video on the assets entitled, “Be There”, and a complementary billboard campaign. Look for the billboards again in 2004 and call to schedule a presentation using the new video.

At the Mayor’s Teen Summit, 5 youth from the Youth – Guilford Health Advisory Board (Y-GHAB) were primary facilitators for workshops on the assets. During the planning sessions, these 5 young people emerged as leaders among their peers and volunteered to speak in front of the hundreds of teens who attended the summit and to assist in other various ways. By listening to these young people effectively introduce important community leaders and creatively teach their peers about the developmental assets was to witness the “assets at work” in their lives!

As for long-term impact, follow-up data from individuals educated in the assets model show increases in mentoring relationships between youth and adults and the number of youth who are taking on leadership roles in the community. In the days and months ahead, we challenge you to continue looking for ways to make our community healthier, both for and with youth. The simplest acts make such a difference!

KUDOS FOR COUPLE COMMUNICATION

In the fall of 2002, we enrolled in the Couple Communication course offered through the Family Life Council to better prepare ourselves for marriage. We thought that taking this course would provide us with not only a better understanding of how we communicate, but also how our partner “hears” and “perceives” what we say.

This course was truly a blessing to us because it provided valuable insights about how we were communicating with each other. We learned how to sincerely listen to and speak openly and honestly with one another in a way that creates intimacy rather than friction. In fact, we can honestly say that utilizing the skills that we acquired through this workshop has helped prevent possible opportunities for miscommunication within our marriage.

Because of the positive experience we had with the Family Life Council, its instructors and students, we have become more involved in our church’s Marriage Ministry. We’re coordinating a Marriage Enrichment Conference that hopefully will encourage couples in our church to continue striving for excellence in their marriage. We see the need that exists within every marriage for couples to continue growing closer to one another, and we’re grateful that the Family Life Council is assisting couples to build successful marriages.

Sincerely, Wendell and Adrienne Calhoun

The Guilford County Marriage Resource Center

Strong, healthy marriages have always been an important focus for the Family Life Council. Fairy tales and bridal magazines focus on the wedding and the promise of a “happily ever after”. However, a wedding is just the beginning of a new story. Each year, millions of dollars are spent on romantic weddings and exciting honeymoons. We pay much less attention to how relationships fare once the presents are unwrapped and the cake is eaten. The divorce rate still hovers around 50% and many married couples have found themselves struggling to have the quality of relationship they desire.

With a recent contribution from United Guaranty Corporation and other anonymous donors, the Family Life Council is thrilled to announce the creation of the Guilford County Marriage Resource Center. This center will serve as a clearinghouse of information for professionals, lay leaders, and the general public.

The Guilford County Marriage Resource Center:

• Was kicked off at the Love For Life Celebration on January 29, 2004.
• Will maintain a website of marriage related information – www.gcmarriage.org. This website contains a calendar of community events focused on healthy marriages. Organizations from across Guilford County may submit their programming information to be included free of charge.
• Will organize and host 4 training events at no charge to individuals and organizations interested in creating marriage support activities. These will be trainings in Prepare/Enrich, PREP, Marriage Mentoring, and an African-American Healthy Marriage Conference.
• Will provide a resource library for marriage support materials.
• Will continue promoting the Community Marriage Covenant for Guilford County.

Here’s what you can do:

• Get involved in helping to make this community one that supports and recognizes strong marriages.
• Encourage your faith organization to sign the Community Marriage Covenant.Go to www.gcmarriage.org to download a copy of the covenant.
• Initiate a discussion among community and faith groups about strengthening marriage.
• Attend a training to learn more specific strategies for supporting marriage.
• Volunteer at the Family Life Council to provide programs, outreach, or office assistance.
• Submit information to be included on the website about community programs that support marriage.
• Donate funds to underwrite future programs for Marriage Preparation and Marriage Enrichment.

Guilford County Partnership for Children Teams Up With Family Life Council .

Current research shows that childcare programs and schools that make special efforts to engage families show better results in several ways that include: strong and consistent improvement in children’s learning and academic performance; children who enjoy being in school; and children who are better behaved.

It is, therefore, no wonder that The Guilford County Partnership for Children funded a grant to The Family Life Council which is helping teachers and parents work better together. The goal is to provide family support and parent education to parents and continuing education for teachers.

Under the Partnership grant, Family Life Council staff member Mary Lou Dickey is working with 30 daycare and homecare centers in Guilford County. Each center is hosting three parent/teacher training sessions on topics such as Parent/Teacher Relationships, Discipline, and Getting Your Child Ready for Kindergarten. Meeting with both parents and teachers at the same time helps parents better understand teacher’s needs and roles and vice-versa. Each session begins with a meal. “Eating together is a great way to get to know one another better and build relationships,” says Mary Lou. But free child-care is also effective in getting parents to stay and learn new ideas during the sessions.

Since October 2003, there have been 18 programs serving over 200 parents. It is one goal of this project to help parents understand how important their participation is in the success of their child’s education. Another goal is to help teachers encourage the parents to participate and be a part of their children’s classroom experiences. “If parents learn the importance of taking part in their child’s education when their children are young, research shows that this will carry over to the time when their children go to public school,” says Cindi Dorman, FLC Executive Director. There is no topic in education on which there is greater agreement than the need for parent involvement. (National Network of Partnership Schools) Looks like Guilford County Partnership for Children and FLC are on to something BIG!

Remembering What We Learn From Our Parents On Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
by Ted Sikes

It has been more than ten years now, but I still remember those days when I hardly ever saw my mother. I was a sophomore in high school at the time, and my younger brother, Andy, was in 7th grade. Mom worked two jobs back then; she was employed full-time with the county Sanitation Authority, and part-time as a customer service representative at the local grocery store. Bone-tired, Mom would wake Andy and I up each morning and make breakfast for us before we left for school. It was the only time each day that we would see her.

Mom exhausted herself every day for us, to give me and my brother the things we needed. I learned some important characteristics about parenting from my mother during that time. From her example, I realized that:

• First and foremost, children come first. Parents make sacrifices in their own lives at times to make sure that their children have the best.
• Good parenting requires taking on a high level of responsibility and doing the best one can in a given situation.
• Parents teach their children values not just through discussion, but most importantly, by example.

Married, with two children of my own now, I think back to what I have learned from my mother, and how it helps me raise my own kids. Each Mother’s Day, I reflect on my childhood and count myself lucky that I had such a great Mom, and I hope someday on Father’s Day, my kids will think the same of me.

Teens Need Relationship Training

It is clear that happy, successful, strong marriages are not the result of luck or of being a “good person” but that relationship SKILLS play the most important role. Skills in communicating, resolving conflict, and making decisions aren’t learned when people marry, but are developing throughout life.

With all of the talk about the importance of strengthening marriages, we cannot lose sight of the fact that a lot of what is learned long before a marriage occurs. Children begin learning from their earliest relationships about how to be in a relationship. Adolescents, much to the chagrin of many parents, begin to look at the opposite sex differently and start the process of figuring out how to successfully negotiate through the ups and downs of their own romantic relationships.

To support healthy marriages we must include efforts to work with youth as they develop their relationship skills. The Guilford County Marriage Resource Center, a part of the Family Life Council, is now able to offer programs for youth to assist them in developing strong, healthy relationship skills. Call 333-6890 ext. 227 to set up a program for their middle and high school young people. There is no charge for this service and the dates and times can be flexible. It is never too early to support healthy marriages.

Congratulations to the Recipients of the 2004 Pratto Family Life Scholarship

The Pratto Family Life Scholarship was awarded to 5 graduating high school seniors from Guilford County who will be attending college this fall. All recipients are teen mothers who are providing hope and a future for their children by continuing their education.

The Pratto Family Life Scholarship provides funds to teen parents who have successfully completed Family Life Council’s parent education program, Good Beginnings for Teen Parents. Good Beginnings is a voluntary program offered in many Guilford County high schools to pregnant and parenting teens. The scholarship is intended to encourage young parents to pursue their education in order to provide for their children and achieve their goals.

Family Life Council held a luncheon for the recipients on July 16, 2004 to recognize their efforts. Family and friends of the recipients as well as scholarship committee members attended to show their support for these graduates and share in their accomplishments. We wish them much success in all their endeavors!

The 2004 scholarship recipients are:

• Jennifer Arnold - Graduated from Greensboro Middle College and will attend UNCG
• Dominique Byers -Graduated from High Point Central and will attend GTCC
• Atoya King - Graduated from Dudley High School and will attend NC A&T State University
• Rachel Shaw - Graduated from Dudley High School; will attend GTCC
• Shawana Smith - Graduated from Dudley High School and will attend NC A&T State University

Family Life Council wishes to thank Catering by Ellyn and Dick’s Sporting Goods for their donations for the Scholarship Luncheon.

The Pratto Family Life Scholarship is made possible by generous donations from individuals and community groups. We need your help to ensure that this scholarship will be available in the future. To make a donation to this scholarship fund, please call 333-6890 ext. 224.

Preschoolers Win with PIE Recipe

The south has long been known for its recipes for pies – pecan pie, apple pie, peach pie, just to name a few. The Guilford County Partnership for Children and the Family Life Council has used this last year to “cook up” a PIE of their own. Funded by a grant from the Guilford County Partnership, the Family Life Council has successfully worked out the ingredients for a winning program called Partners In Education.

Between September 2003 and June 2004, over 500 parents and teachers in 21 local childcare centers have come together to learn just how beneficial it is to children when teachers and parents work together as a team. The premise for the training sessions is that parents and teachers each have information about a child that should be shared. Teachers have expertise about the educational needs of children, while parents have expertise about the personal needs of children. This shared information helps children be more successful in school. Pre-schoolers whose parents understand the importance of parent involvement are more likely to be involved and supportive. Dozens of studies point to one important conclusion: what a family does to support a child’s school success is much more important than family background (ie; income, parental education, marital status, family size, etc.). When parents are partners with the school system in the education of their child, children are more successful, socially, academically, etc.

In fact, decision making is one of the five pieces of this “pie.” The other four pieces emphasized in the trainings are: supporting one another, teaching one another, learning new skills from one another, and communicating with one another. Guilford County Partnership and The Family Life Council are helping to spread the word that public schools are ready and willing for parents to be involved in their child’s education.

Call Mary Lou Dickey at Family Life Council for more information.

MARRIAGE MENTORING WORKS

Mentoring is an age-old concept that has helped to empower the less experienced through a relationship with those with more experience. Marriage Mentoring follows this same path by pairing premarital, newlyweds or couples needing support with couples who have more experience, wisdom and a desire to help others develop healthy marriages.

With 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, Marriage Mentoring has gained understandable support from marriage educators, religious leaders and others who have an interest in helping marriages remain strong. Marriage Mentor couples can often make the difference as to whether couples will be prepared to endure the challenges of marriage. Part of the reason for their effectiveness is that Marriage Mentors can share information about themselves that will be helpful to a couple that is inexperienced or struggling with transitions in marriage. These couples are trained to cover a variety of topics which include resolving conflict, family-of-origin issues, active listening skills, and financial planning and budgeting.

The Family Life Council is committed to offer programs and services for couples to help build healthy, long-lasting marriages. Through a grant from the Department of Health and Human Services (Compassion Capital Fund), marriage educators from the Family Life Council can work with pastors and other interested persons to help them create or adapt a Marriage Mentor program.

Of all the institutions functioning on the earth, marriage is without a doubt the most complex. With an awesome spectrum of needs looming over couples, there is an obvious need for balance, knowledge and patience. Marriage Mentoring can be an invaluable resource to provide help and encouragement to couples dealing with the complexities of life. Contact the Family Life Council to learn more about how you can establish a program for your organization or how you can become a volunteer.

Upcoming Marriage Mentoring programs are being planned for Guilford, Alamance and Davidson counties. Visit our website at www.gcmarriage.org and look at our program section for information about scheduled programs. Call Rebecca Starnes or LaMonica Mitchell at 333-6890 ext. 227 to set up programs.

Parents Get Help for the Hard Stuff

As parents, we can find teachers for music lessons ... swim practice ... driver's ed ... but if only we could hire folks to teach our children about healthy sexuality and relationships! Yet study after study shows teens are influenced most by their own families. They need to learn about values, feelings and age-appropriate information from their parents.

Through a grant from the Moses Cone~Wesley Long Community Health Foundation, the Family Life Council offers “Talking with Adolescents about Sexuality and Life." Since July, the Family Life Council has reached almost 500 parents in groups such as PTAs, scouts, neighborhood associations, and temporary housing programs.

Family Life Council parent educator Ellen Weiner, M.Ed., says parents of middle and high schoolers clearly appreciate the opportunity to hone their skills with others in the same stage of parenting. This program gives parents the opportunity to overcome initial resistance or hesitancy. Weiner says, “We review statistics and the diversity of ideas our society offers teens, ideas that may be very different from the lives their family has modeled for them. We share age-appropriate communication strategies and tips, even role play situations.”

According to Weiner, the goal is for each parent to leave ready to be intentional about stating their values and taking opportunities to accept and relate to their changing child in a more helpful, supportive way.

Divorce Recovery vs. Marriage Education

The Family Life Council has been providing divorce education longer than it has been providing marriage education. It reminds me of the story about the community that discovered that bodies were floating down the river, injured and dying people. The community responded quickly and began carrying the victims to the hospital and working to save them. After the hospital was filled with patients, the community filled the schools and then churches with patients, providing care for the injured. At some point, it dawned on the community that perhaps they should go up the river and determine the cause of all of the victims and see if they couldn’t do something to find the root of the problem.

Marriage education is about building healthy relationships. Divorce hurts, both the parents and the children. Divorce is the end of a dream for couples. Everyone who gets married dreams that they will live happily ever after. But most couples find it challenging to resolve conflicts and deal with the inevitable struggles that are a result of the fundamental life changes that occur as our lives progress. Research proves that after the birth of a first child, couples disagree more often than before, experience greater conflict, and report lower satisfaction with their own relationship. How couples approach marital conflict is critical for the overall health of their marriage and their children’s well-being. Marriage education is built on years of research that proves that couples can learn how to build and maintain successful, stable marriages. We know that couples who survive and thrive know how to resolve conflicts, communicate effectively and work together as a team.

Programs being offered at the Family Life Council’s Marriage Resource Center help couples strengthen the marital bond, build problem solving skills, learn how to resolve conflicts and ultimately build lasting, healthy relationships. Your support of these programs is needed. Join with us as we build life skills for today’s families!

Photovoice Exhibit Highlights Local Youth Leadership

A reception showcasing the insightful photography of 15 middle and high school youth participating in the most recent Photovoice program will be held from 5:30-7:00 p.m. on Thursday, April 14th at the Greensboro Historical Museum.

Photovoice, a project of Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth and the Hillsdale Fund, supports and encourages youth as they observe Greensboro through the lens of a camera. By participating in the Photovoice series, young people learn to take part in defining and discussing current community issues. Professional photographers and local leaders volunteer to teach photography, advocacy skills, and the importance of civic engagement as part of the program.

Join us as we celebrate the future leaders of our community and view their impressive exhibit. The Greensboro Historical Museum, Hillsdale Fund and the Youth First Program are co-sponsors of this program. Community leaders and interested citizens are invited to attend. Contact the Family Life Council for more details.